Something's Fishy...

August 6th: 6.92 miles ran, 1 hour 13 minutes 45 seconds, 10:40 minutes/mile

August 10th: 9.95 miles ran, 1 hour 56 minutes 54 seconds, 11:45 minutes/mile

Power Song for this Week: "I've Got a Feeling" by the Black Eyed Peas. Mazel tov!

I think I'm the first person in the history of marathon training to get slower as I progress through my training schedule. According to a previous post, I ran 10.02 miles on 7/12 at a pace of 10:40 minutes per mile. One month, and 51 miles, later I ran 9.95 miles at a pace of 11:45 minutes per mile. What could have caused me to get so much slower in just a month's time? Possible explanations:

1. I turned 25. My body is not the finely tuned instrument of my younger years.

It's all downhill after 24.

2. Sammy Wanjiru (2008 Olympic Marathon gold medalist from Kenya who is making his American debut at the Chicago Marathon) is threatened by the risk I pose to break his world record of 2:05:10 and is somehow conspiring against me.

Sammy's always trying to steal my thunder. Doesn't he know this is also MY American marathon debut?

Or 3. My cheap Nike+ system isn't very accurate. Which would also explain how I could run 5.05 miles to get to the beach, but only 4.9 miles to get back. Last time I checked, "there" and "back" are the same distance...unless you ask your grandpa, who will insist that you can walk uphill to school both ways.

If I were a rockstar marathoner like Sammy (or Oprah) I would invest in one of those fancy watches that is far more precise than the chip in my shoe that feeds information to my iPod. But who really wants to spend $300 on a watch when there are much more exciting things to buy? Such as:

-300 McChicken sandwiches (not including taxes or hospital bills resulting from inevitable heart attack)

-2 or 3 Ed Hardy t-shirts (depending on style and level of tool-ness)

-This uber creepy doll on ebay

If this doesn't give you nightmares, nothing will.

Priorities Schmiorities,

Mary (Slowpoke?) Marathoner

I'd Like to Thank the Academy

Ahem. My heartfelt gratitude is long overdue to those who have supported me in my marathoning efforts. I would like to take this opportunity to give some well-deserved "shout outs" so please make yourself comfortable, dim the lights (or not....creepy....) and bear with me.

*DISCLAIMER: This list may not be all-encompassing. If I have inadvertently forgotten someone, please accept my apologies and contact my attorney. *

Now without further ado...

~Big Shout Out to my friends Jaime and Valerie who had the brilliant idea of getting me a Visa gift card for my birthday to help me buy new running shoes. After Web-MDing the symptoms I complained about in previous posts, the diagnosis provided was "ill-fitting shoes". [Note-I'm fully aware the term "Web-MDing" is not recognized by most as an acceptable entry into the English language, but I'm a big fan of making proper nouns into verbs. Googling? Diet Coking? You betcha.]

Providing Universal Health Care since 2005

So I visited Fleet Feet (my local "hardcore runners" store) to get fitted for new shoes. The conversation with the salesman went as follows:


Darren (salesguy with a name tag on): "What kind of shoes have you been running in?"

Me: "Nike Shox."

Darren: "Have you been experiencing any problems with pain or cramping in your calves?"

Me: "I love you."


Darren explained to me that Shox aren't recommended for distance running because it is essentially the same as running in high heels. He then had me run on a treadmill while he video taped my feet. He replayed the footage back for me in slow motion so he could analyze the way my foot hits the ground. The whole ordeal was strikingly similar to a scene straight out of Baywatch.

Poor Pam, she's just trying to buy new shoes in peace. Perverts.

In conclusion, Darren/My "Sole" Mate recommended a pair of Sauconys that have cured my legs of all previous ailments. Thank you, Jaime and Valerie, for giving me back cramps-free sleep.

~Equally big Shout Out to Katie, Mike, Kim, Linda, Tyler & Emily, and my anonymous donors (i.e. my parents, sister Shannon, and best friend Kelly) who have donated money to my fundraising page. The children in Africa thank you, even if they never send a courtesy note to tell you so.

~Another big Shout Out to my aunt Karen, my sisters Jennifer and Leah, my cousin Brandi, and my friends Jeny, Jenie, Joe, Camdin, Kendra, Kris, Rik, and Ted for checking out my blog and leaving some love. I'll be sure to dedicate my first best-selling novel to you guys.

You like me! You really like me!

Cue the Orchestra,

Mary Marathoner

We'll Make It...I Swear

July 25th: 11.89 miles ran, 2 hours 11 minutes 53 seconds, 11:05 minutes/mile

July 31st: 5.97 miles ran, 1 hour 1 minute, 10:20 minutes/mile

August 2nd: 12.98 miles ran (New Best!), 2 hours 32 minutes 37 seconds, 11:45 minutes/mile

Power Song for this Week's Runs: "Living on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi. (Not to be confused with last week's "Like a Prayer")

Yesterday marked a significant step in my training process: I completed a half marathon (actually I was 0.12 miles short, but who's counting?). It was definitely not easy (as evidenced by the atrocious time I posted) but I finished it, nonetheless. About the eleventh mile, when I began to think very seriously that I was going to pass out on the sidewalk, I asked myself "Why oh why didn't I settle for running the half marathon?" After all, had I only opted for the half marathon I would be done training by now.

Half Marathon Version of Mary Marathoner

But alas, I committed myself to running the entire 26.2. The Whole Enchilada. The Full Monty. And after all, how would our world be different if others had chosen to give up halfway?

~Birds, animals, people, and the Sabbath would not have been created.

~Lewis and Clark would have never discovered the west, thereby denying us Hollywood, Disneyland, and John Wayne.

~*SPOILER ALERT* Harry Potter would have never defeated Lord Voldemort, once and for all. That's right. I went there.

He's Bringing Sexy Back

On the other hand:

~Amelia Earhart would still be alive.

~Brett Favre would be remembered for his football legacy, not his inability to "let it go".

~Jon and Kate would have only had 2 kids, no reality TV show, and probably a healthy, normal marriage.

Team Kate

There's something to be said for slacking,

Mary Marathoner